one thing

Later, I will talk about my grandmother’s 80th birthday celebration. For now, I’d like to talk about a bit of frustration I felt that day, this last Sunday.

All living in a compound, she helped brought up all her grandkids. When our parents were in their respective workplace, they leave us under her able care. She has always been a significant part of our lives. We are all indebted so much to her, being a very giving, selfless grandmother. So when I started working, I would always buy her gifts on occasions and share in the expenses of her handaan. My other cousins weren’t as thoughtful as I was, maybe because we aren’t really a “gift-giving” family, or maybe because all of them are boys. So I was always the one (and mom in the cooking part) in charge of her birthdays and birthday gifts.

This last birthday of hers, my cousin, the one she really brought up since his mom died when he was in elementary, gave her a surprise birthday party. He even bought a lechon and a bunch of other meals. He rented a videoke machine  and invited all close relatives and friends. He gave her a sketch of a picture taken was Lola was 18 years old. The surprise birthday party was a success. I was really happy he was able to give her a birthday party she deserves.

On the other hand, I arrived at the party already 9 pm. I had a class in Manila which I could not afford to be absent to. On top of that, I really had no extra cash to buy even a decent cake from Red Ribbon. All I can bring there is myself and the gifts I bought for her, which weren’t really enough. Neither was it a life or motorhome insurance or a new appliance for the house. I got her her favorite chocolate and a set of pillow case. Although I knew she wasn’t really expecting, understanding the situation I am in right now, I just felt just a tiny bit of jealousy that I wasn’t able to contribute much to her celebration. A few years back, I was planning a big celebration on her 80th birthday. Now that it came, I had really nothing to give her. I wasn’t even included in the plan to surprise her.

Really, I am happy that she was really happy on her special day. The celebration was relatively big I could not give my gifts to her. I gave them the day after, when I was about to leave for Manila. I gave them, wishing I could have given her more. But when she received my gifts, she seemed about to cry. And I even felt more lacking.