another year

Yesterday, I already enrolled for the 1st semester. It took a whole day and 11 steps to finish that enrollment, shaming fat burners with calories burned that day. This is not without hesitations and reservations. It was like the first time I enrolled last year; I hesitated to pay the tuition fee, honestly. Back then, I was afraid of the possibility that my grandmother’s money would just go to waste. I did not trust myself enough then. Throughout the first year, I learned that the determining factor is not only myself, but so many more: the professors (and their whims), my work, the financial resources, and most importantly, the needs of my family. So yesterday, I still have that fear, the fear that I could not finish what I would be starting. As in back then, I am still afraid of the possibility that my grandmother’s (and my) money would just go to waste, especially when there’s scarcity of it. And the italicized factors remain, and from my assessment, they all leveled up. I’m sure all of my friends, including those I’ve only met here, would wish me well and honestly believe that I could go through with another year. And honestly, those words you leave here mean so much to me. And once again, I am counting on my bahala na, kaya yan attitude. I am trying to remember that vow I made one day on my way to san beda.