in a flash

October 30, 2009

The semester is finally over, and our block ended it with a party, which I hesitantly attended. I just wanted to go back home to the province as soon as I can.

It was really as they said it, you won’t notice the passage of time. The first days never seemed to end, the first weeks were too long, and then it was just…over.

And it is in this flash of time that you look back to, when it is all done. You try to make sense of what seemed to be inessential and preposterous at the time. And you realize that some things were really not that important.

I have rediscovered that I really want a simple life. That some of the things I often remember are the simplest ones—the ride in the bikes, the slow walks in the nonbusy streets, the comfortable shorts, and the tattered shirts. This busy life now should be just for the now. The future should hold a much better way and a much better life.

I have relearned that I really wanted to be a lawyer. It is perhaps in this way that I can help people the most. I want to help. I have never studied this much in my entire life combined, and I have never felt such fear for failure such as now.

Even I surprised myself when I became this workaholic. Half of my mind lurks into my different works and possible opportunities (government service, philadelphia jobs, or just plain freelancing). Amazing. There are really different weaves in this pattern. Probably I am liking this me, probably I am not. But there is one thing I learned: no matter how much you busy yourself, some things will not change in a flash.