in a flash

The semester is finally over, and our block ended it with a party, which I hesitantly attended. I just wanted to go back home to the province as soon as I can.

It was really as they said it, you won’t notice the passage of time. The first days never seemed to end, the first weeks were too long, and then it was just…over.

And it is in this flash of time that you look back to, when it is all done. You try to make sense of what seemed to be inessential and preposterous at the time. And you realize that some things were really not that important.

I have rediscovered that I really want a simple life. That some of the things I often remember are the simplest ones—the ride in the bikes, the slow walks in the nonbusy streets, the comfortable shorts, and the tattered shirts. This busy life now should be just for the now. The future should hold a much better way and a much better life.

I have relearned that I really wanted to be a lawyer. It is perhaps in this way that I can help people the most. I want to help. I have never studied this much in my entire life combined, and I have never felt such fear for failure such as now.

Even I surprised myself when I became this workaholic. Half of my mind lurks into my different works and possible opportunities (government service, philadelphia jobs, or just plain freelancing). Amazing. There are really different weaves in this pattern. Probably I am liking this me, probably I am not. But there is one thing I learned: no matter how much you busy yourself, some things will not change in a flash.

waiting in vain

In the middle of the final week, I am slacking. This may probably be due to the exams I took last Friday (from the second professor mentioned here). First, I totally lost concentration the day I was supposed to study due to extraneous circumstances. As a result, I lost a lot of time. Second, the exam was especially difficult and too lengthy. Some even cried after taking it, and most were embraced by depression, myself included. She gives unbelievably low grades, like you never learned a thing in her class. Waiting for the results seemed worse than having mesothelioma. Anticipation is killing all of us.

simple and gold

Simple. My high school classmates said I was different from my group because I was simple. I hadn’t understood then what they meant. I see all of us the same way. We were all just kids.

My mom always used to complain why I do not wear jewelry when I attend events and why I do not wear makeup during these parties. I prefer not wearing any jewelry, even a watch. Partly because I was very active as a child, I always lose them, and I was constantly reminded of the value of what I’ve lost. But generally I just don’t like dressing up and accesorizing. I am more comfortable with my slippers. Besides, when you wear big gold necklaces nowadays, people either say you worked in Saudi or need a colon cleanse for your hepatitis. haha.

But I do not mind if I can have some pieces of gold bullion. On a conversation on what to wish for from a genie, one said a wallet that never runs out of money, and another said an endless supply of gold coins (was it you, eks?) and gave pretty good economic reasons why it is better to have bullion than money (which I cannot remember now, but i checked this helpful site on gold coin)

And if that genie grants our wish, life would become a bit simple.

Nightmares

Then, I felt the earth move violently. It was an earthquake. I can hear my father calling out to me, panicking. I do not know if it was for his or for my life. The shaking would cause everything to fall, the Ferrari parts of my toy cars, the vases, the television, even the wall. Yet, I do not understand. How can I be in my house there when I am here in my room alone? I tried to get up; my father still calling out to me. I could not stand up. I can already see my body lying on my bed, eyes still closed. Get up! Get up!

My eyes opened. My heart was running as fast as I could imagine. I wonder how my daydream turned out to be this nightmare.

nightmare - something (as an experience, situation, or object) having the monstrous character of a nightmare or producing a feeling of anxiety or terror

Daydreams

It was 2 p.m. Feeling so tired and sleepy, I decided to take a nap before I go to class. A minute or two after I closed my eyes, I realized that the neighborhood was unusually quiet. There was no loud talking or loud music, especially no hammer banging, wall drilling, or grinding steam cleaners. Perhaps most were already in their office or asleep.

Then, eyes still closed, I heard birds chirping. I hadn’t realized that there were also birds flying about in this area. Perhaps I have always equated this city with fast and noisy life. I enjoyed the sound of the chirping birds blending with the sound of a softly blowing wind. It was relaxing. There was no need to open my eyes or to fall asleep right ahead.

Then, at a distance, I heard the voices of children laughing. They were playing habulan, I supposed. There were shouts here and there, followed by giggles and simultaneous laughter. I visualized that they were all in good spirits, playing under the glorious sun.

Then, I could not tell anymore if I was awake or dreaming. But I know for sure, I missed home.

daydream -  a pleasant visionary usually wishful creation of the imagination

Don’t Mess With the Strappy Girls

Here is another FX story. While sitting at the back seat of the FX (my usual spot), I started to hate the driver. He seemed to be racing to hell, with the passengers bumping against the windows and doors. We were like lotto balls being drawn. He beeps every 10 seconds at every vehicle and pedestrian, as if he owns the road. Ironically and annoyingly, we never really got way ahead of the other cars. Of course! There were stoplights and intersections, and it was near rush hour! I was actually scared for my life and limb. I have no Medicare supplement in case of injury, and I am pretty sure, the driver can never replace my life. Besides, I still want to take the final exams. lol.

Two girls got in the FX while in Baclaran. They wore sexy spaghetti straps and short bottoms. My last kwentong FX also involved similar girls, and those girls asked for the driver’s number (ang haba ng hair!). But not these strappy girls (SG).

FX driver: Kulang ang bayad niyo.

SG: Araw-araw yan ang binabayad namin. (classic)

FX driver: Araw-araw akong bumibiyahe. (another classic)

Then the driver seemed to be in tantrums, whispering side comments and throwing the coins to the can.

SG: Ano bang problema mo? Sampung piso? (in a loud voice)

FX driver: Wag na. (in a soft voice)

SG: Ano? Sampung piso? Sampu?! Sampu lang pala problema mo e. (in a louder voice)

Then, the driver kept quiet. And, I noticed, he began driving carefully. haha. :p

On her own

How she made her “small world” so big is a wonder to me. But far more amazing is how she elicits emotion from her songs. I have watched the Les Miserables muscical lately, and On My Own keeps playing in my head again and again for a few days already. It must have been the beautiful words in the song, the contradiction, the melancholy that made it so wondrously beautiful. It must have been the artist who made it so real.

I love him
But when the night is over
He is gone
The river’s just a river
Without him, the world around me changes
The trees are bare and everywhere the streets are full of strangers

I love him
But every day I’m learning
All my life I’ve only been pretending
Without me, his world will go on turning
The world is full of happiness that I have never known

The unrequited love of Eponine is perhaps painful at the least. Copupled with Lea’s powerful voice, the song was beautiful. (Click on more to see the video.)

(more…)

still

The past typhoons have become a national calamity. The damage is not of trivial things like mere car accessories, but of much more huge proportions. We have depended on the government to provide us with temporary shelter and economic relief and placed our trust on our fellowmen to help us start our lives anew. Majority of the people still do not know how to survive the losses and the tragedies. Above all, there is only One to whom we should entrust our lives.

Inspired by the Christian song Still, I am sharing this with you.

When the oceans rise and thunders roar
I will soar with you above the storm
Father you are King over the flood
I will be still and know you are God

On teaching

A good professor once said, teaching is an art.

A few years ago, I wanted to enroll in a master’s program in education (when I thought I couldn’t study law anymore). I find teaching a very rewarding profession, having been inspired by a single professor in comparative literature back in college. I felt so grateful of having been on his class that I, for the first time ever in my life, gave him a card. It was a thank you card, telling him he was like a guru, with knowledge emanating from him and we students absorbing it. I’ve never seen one so passionate in his teaching, so eager for everyone to learn. There was no superiority of teacher over student, only the pure desire to teach. The simplicity of his white long sleeves contradicts the grandness of his person. His single word of trust in me sustains my self-esteem, especially when I need it most.

Then, there is this professor I have now. Everyone trembles when she came, wondering if they should have dropped along with the others. She makes everybody feel inferior, not one satisfying her questions. She would have made a good wrinkle cream model, being the one causing too much stress on her students. She never tells the correct answer, only leaving the students with a plummeting self-esteem and an impossibly low grade. She has been known to flunk more students than she passes. Her single comment makes one think twice of his or her plan in life, losing track of his or her vision. But it is in her class that all students prepare so much and that frustration is all too familiar.

You are a good teacher if your students learn. You are a great teacher if you inspire.

The Copy Editor is Out

Oh, no. I am not quitting my job. I just filed a leave for a month to do some “stuff.” (I have Calgary Flames Tickets, Spiderman Tickets, and Nassau Coliseum Tickets… kidding!)

I really wanted to take a break from work and school itineraries. The traveling really taxed my strength. I actually thought I would be uber happy with my approved leave, but staying alone in my house most of the time (meeting people only at night) makes me think twice. haha. Well, I am still glad I have this “break” from work, but I kinda realize that I would be missing my office friends (and spending much on electricity), especially my two seatmates whom I talk (sharing the latest showbiz news) to during most of my office hours. haha.

I hope I don’t miss out on much chikas while having my orlando vacations (kidding again! haha), and I hope the pips in the office would miss me, too. Only fair, right?