Saying Grace

I have just uploaded my posts on each day of the holy week for this year. More than wanting to share to you the days while I was away, I take pleasure in reviving in my mind everything I did during that week, as if compressing months in 7 days. For someone who goes home (to my province) barely once a month, that I got to spend 9 days straight with my family, especially the kids, is something to be grateful for. Time really flies, especially when you’re away, when you don’t watch kids grow in front of your eyes, when you don’t see changes occur over time. I live here now, but I live for every moment with them. I am grateful for my family who doesn’t drift away from me though I am miles apart. I am grateful for our healthy and for the improving health of our sickly.

I am grateful that I have work, though not the one I want to have. In times of crisis, one should find comfort just in having work. And though it is hard to make accounts balance, with a little (read: huge) stretch, I still make it to the next payday. While this has become a cycle, I am grateful that I haven’t completely succumbed to cynicism and that I still have my vision.

I am grateful that I am that girl from UP. After a plummeting self-esteem, I made it back. Kettlebells are for strength. Exercises are for endurance. What are for the brain? Six years after college, I am grateful He gave me a second chance to seek my dreams.

The Treasure Room

Every one of us is losing something precious to us…Lost opportunities, lost possibilities, feelings we can never get back again.. That’s part of what it means to be alive. But inside our heads…there’s a room where we store those memories.

—Kafka Tamura from Kafka on the Shore

Easter Sunday: Glorious Nature

A blessed Sunday it was indeed.

To avoid the overcrowded swimming pools that day, to celebrate Ian’s birthday the day before, and to bond with the whole family one last time for the holy week, I urged the oldies on a 1-hour trip near the boundary of Nueva Ecija and Aurora. Kids didn’t need convincing at all. haha.

As I learned from a friend, there’s a river an hour or so away from our city where people go to. I’ve never explored the whole of my province, and it’s a surprise to me that there’s such a place. Luckily, Tito had been there on one of his motorcycle trips, and Lola had been wanting to visit the place. As for me, I want to swim on natural waters.

one of two huge pools

Look! It has slides!
Yes, we also ran up and down these slides!

Now, now, now. That is not a swimming pool. Well, at least not completely. The water is coming from the Sierra Madre mountain range. It was cold and clear, unlike pools warm from the kids’ you know haha. From the volume of people who were also there, surprisingly, we didn’t have that itchy feeling.

Here’s the picture of the kiddie pool.
Behind it is the mountain where the water is coming from.

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Sabado de Gloria: Ian’s Day

We celebrated Ian’s birthday quietly. He wanted to invite some of his friends in the house, but all of them were on outing with their families (the downside of having birthdays on holidays). Ian didn’t mind, and he was just thrilled that there were so many friends who greeted him on his birthday. His cellphone was beeping every 5 minutes!

When I woke up, I immediately went to him, kissed him on the cheeks, and greeted him a happy birthday. I then asked him what he wanted for his birthday, and he said, “Really? You have no gift for me yet?” I felt a little regretful I hadn’t bought anything for him Monday that week, but his favorite T-shirt shop wasn’t available in our province. And I was right! He wanted a shirt from Artwork, green or gray. I gave him a red Artwork shirt for his birthday last year, and it was his favorite. I know it’s late, but I’m still hunting for the best shirt for him. hehe.

Out of all the kids, he is the one whom I really saw grow up. I was the one who gave his name, as per Tito’s request (I was his favorite among his pamangkins). He and his parents lived in a house within our compound when he was born, the firstborn of his mom and dad. When he was still a toddler, his parents moved out and planned to make it on their own, i.e., work, have a house, etc. For some reason, they wanted Lola to raise Ian, and Lola gladly accepted this very, very cute little boy.

I was in Grade 5 when he was born. When I get home from school, I go to their house and just play with him. Being an only child, I am so excited to see a baby at home. Kuyang, Tootie, and I are almost of the same age, so Ian was the first baby I know. I didn’t help feed him or change his diaper. I was very much a child myself then (until now?), and all I wanted was to see him, maybe stay with him for a while. I even sleepover at their house a few times so I can be with him longer. He was so irresistible. Really.

I saw his first steps, and I was so excited. I was holding him in his waist while his father was across the room calling him to come. After a few steps, he still thought I was holding him! But he was walking on his own! Then, I’d clap and say, “yehey! yehey!” repeatedly so that he’d also clap hard and smile that sweet smile, and he wouldn’t notice he was still standing on his own. Yeah, we tricked him. hehe. And now he can very much walk on his own, go out with friends, and attend a prom. Time flies. Hay.

I promised his father when I was still in elementary that I’d send him to college. I actually thought I’d be successful by that time. He’d be a senior in high school this June, and I haven’t had the slightest idea where to get his tuition. Would they hold my words, words of a child, against me? hehe. Seriously, I wanted to sponsor his college education then, and I still want to now. I just don’t know how to yet.

It was a quiet April 11. No birthday cake. No candle. No visitors. Just immediate family members. My mom cooked her famous spaghetti, and Tito brought two bilaos of arroz valenciana (rice casserole). Surprisingly, Ian didn’t complain; normally, he would. hehe. In the afternoon, Ian and I went to our city’s dambana, instead of going to the city cathedral. Dambana was farther but quieter. The air was more serene, and the place was more solemn. We prayed for a while and went home. We spent the day watching DVDs and just bumming out.

But as I don’t want his birthday to end just like that, I again planned another impulsive outing the next day just for him. hehe.

 
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Good Friday: Penitensiya

Para maiba naman sa mga posts ko tungkol sa mga pinagka-abalahan ko nung Semana Santa, minabuti kong isulat ang “araw” na ito sa Filipino. Bukod sa nahihirapan na ako ng kaka-Ingles dito hehe, parang mas nababagay ang wikang atin para sa tema ng post ko na ‘to.

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Maundy Thursday: Sick But Not Tired

After a day of malling, a day of staying up until the sun rises, and a day of swimming, I realized I wasn’t invincible after all.

I woke up with a serious case of muscle pains and headache. I usually have “headaches” due to problems, that is, stress, but not the real physiological headache. With the fatigue of swimming and running around the pools and the slides, I had difficulty even standing up. Worse, I couldn’t tell mom. I’m not about to hear, “That’s what you get. I told you not to go swimming, didn’t I? You’re so restless!” and on and on and on. hehe. Besides, I cannot just stay in my room and do artsy fartsy stuff. I’m largely illiterate in handiworks (what’s Lortone rock tumblers anyway?) and zero talent in craftsmanship. So I stood up near lunch and went to my usual routine of going to our terrace, where most people in the house stay in the morning. I love lying in the sofa there (albeit hard) and watch members of the household go about their business.

Here in the city, it’s easy to get sick and tired, even just with day-to-day work. In the province, in my home, with friends and family, I can exhaust all of my energy and hyperactivity, but I will never get tired. How’s that?

Holy Wednesday: Sunburn

The day before, I thought we were decided not to go swimming with Tootie’s (cousin about my age) girlfriend’s family, although Tootie had been inviting us. The adults in the families had several concerns, and they wanted to have our own trip at some other time.

When I woke up at 10 am, Eduard immediately approached me and told me that Mitch (Tootie’s girlfriend of 7 years) was at the house there and asked why we were not coming. With her was her niece Mika, a 3-year-old who’s close to our family. Eduard was telling me that Mika showed him her two-piece underneath her clothes and that she was looking for me. By the tone of Eduard’s voice and the look on his face, I knew he so wanted to go. My heart breaks seeing him sad, so despite a bad headache (see last paragraph of last post), I got up and told him we’ll follow Mika after lunch. I texted Tito to bring Babyline over so all the kids could go swimming.

Mom and Lola were a bit disagreeable and stressed at preparing the food with so little time. What can I do? I couldn’t disappoint those sad eyes. I just let all the litany in and out of my head and continued organizing the outing. hehe. For some reason, Ian decided not to come. There was a little bit of drama in the house. I tried talking him out of his “dramatic” state, but he wouldn’t. So Tootie, Billy, Billy’s friend, Babyline, Eduard, and I went happily to our unplanned trip (with this Sandwich song playing in my head).

Here she comes (sunburn)

Golden Island Senorita

Here she comes (sunburn)

Slow-mo freeze the frame

Here she comes (sunburn)

Do you know her name?

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Holy Tuesday: Finality

The night before, Ian, Eduard, Billy, and I (Babyline went home to their house) planned to go to Ian’s school to get his final grades for the school year and then go to my friend’s Internet shop to let you know I live hehe.

At the net shop, I uploaded three very short posts, mostly about random thoughts (and NOT emo! hehe) and chatted with eks and PJVP. Mostly, I needed reassurance from them that I’d be doing the right thing, that is, declining a job offer to be a Writer/Web Content Administrator. I think it sounds better that it actually is hehe. After 2 weeks of deliberating with eks, we finally decided against transferring work.

When I got home, after listening for a minute to my mom’s “comments,” I went to my bed and fell asleep at once. Zzzzzz…

Holy Monday: Gifts and Rewards

Because it’s been more than a month since I’ve seen my little cousins, I missed them so much. That’s why I preferred to stay with them the whole holy week, aside from my “getting away from the city” mood. Here’s the list of the characters (all my little cousins) for my succeeding stories for better visualization haha:

Ian: 15 years old; a 3rd-year high school student who was raised by our Lola and grew up in our compound; eldest and the most snob of four children (Babyline, Eduard, and Eric); likes watching TV and lying around; always fights with Babyline.

Billy: 15 years old; a 2nd-year high school student who has a serious case of hyperactivity hehe; he’s a real Dennis the Menace, setting fire his Kuyang’s room when he was about 3; lives in Qatar for 2 years now but stays here for the summer; a trouble he may be, he always gets what he wants from his parents and Lola Rosita; wants to do “mature” things; a real spoiled brat but sweet to his mom, Lola, and Ate (me).

Babyline: 13 years old; a 1st-year high school student who, like me, grew up with boys; she lives with her parents, but for a time was also raised by her other Lola (our Lola’s sister in law); she was always “accused” of preferring to stay at her other Lola’s house, unlike all her brothers; being the only girl, she was expected to be more responsible.

Eduard: 8 years old; also grew up with his parents but loves to stay in our compound every weekends and holidays, especially when I’m home; I’ve introduced him earlier; always fights with the youngest, Eric.

Eric: 6 years old; very makulit and likes to emulate people, i.e., soldiers, carpenters, and smokers; has a Down syndrome and leukemia but nevertheless very hyper; loves his papa so much and always kisses and hugs me; he and Eduard are like my shadows whenever they’re with me hehe.

(Actually, I don’t know if my descriptions would matter, but I’ve already written them, so I just hope they might be useful somehow. hehe.)

I have been absent for a while, and I’ve missed two birthdays and two recognitions. Billy celebrated his birthday in Qatar, so I’m excused with not attending, but not with the gift. hehe. After eating lunch at home, I with the 5 kids went to the mall to buy the gifts they wanted: 1 for Billy’s birthday, 2 for Babyline’s birthday and reward for being honor, and 1 for Eduard’s reward for being honor. Whew! Yeah, I faced a summative problem!

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still here

I know, I know. I’ve been absent for a while and will be for a little more. I never thought I’d actually miss the people I haven’t even seen in real life (yeah, that’s you blogging folks). I will read all your posts when I’m out of this “disconnected” state that I am now. Don’t worry, though, I am okay (are you worried? hehe). The Lenten season sure gives one a mood to reflect one’s life and makes one think of the concept of sacrifice (better this than finding the best diet pills). After this period, I hope I find again my energy to write and my zest for life. Au revoir.