a walking contradiction

With the end of the year in a few hours and upon reading a comic book in a first-person perspective, which is to me a discourse of ideas that seemed to agree with my own system of ideologies and opinions that are, for now, trivial nevertheless interesting, I found my brain shooting with thoughts zigzagging each other in a spontaneous manner.

In an effort to put coherence to these thoughts, I am scribbling them down here. However, I believed neither that I could organize them into meaningful patterns nor frame them in a larger perspective. Perhaps they are just a state of mind at such a depressing planet with various social upheavals and moral dilemmas or a state of mind of someone trying to analyze the life, the world, and the self to give meaning to her existence. That these thoughts are occurring to me now, I only have the yearend and the comic book to blame or thank.

Knowing a person inside out is impossible. Consciously or not, our personalities change, in different degrees, when we’re with different people. I don’t quite understand the saying, “Tell me who your friends are, I’ll tell you who you are.” Do we transform to the personality of those near us? Or do they transform to something like us? Who decides? It is true though that most groups have similar attitudes. There are those who are rich, who are pretty, who are shy, who are intelligent, and who are funny. In most cases, the forming of a group of friends is not planned. Rather, individuals seem to magnet each other and eventually become friends. But that the people in a group are the same is superficial. We are always unique. More unique in the sense that we are like a chameleon changing attitude toward different people. This may not be for survival, but definitely for harmony, sometimes forced harmony. What I am really trying to say is, we don’t really truly know a person to his or her core. The psychologists’ analysis is nothing but an analysis.

I remember not so long ago being furious with someone because that someone was saying things as if he knew everything about me. Well, he was wrong. Always, there is something beneath a person. Although not always dark, but there is something else. What you see is what you get is rarely the case. That is my theory. Even in blogs, a person may entirely be different from his or her writings. Jessica Zafra said, in a seemingly contemptuous way, to the person who introduced her to the audience, mostly of praises, that she should never say that one’s life is an open book and that her writings say things about who she is. I share her opinion. One cannot always assume an absolute truth. Even these thoughts may or may not be me. Truth is only for toddlers, when fear is not yet known.

That I am childish in many ways may be a reflection of how happy and easy it is to be a child. I am still fascinated over fireworks and lights and in Jollibee dancing around. It gets me to thinking that I would have stopped time if I can when I was still a child. Life is simpler, beautiful, better. Then again, I like having a purpose in life. Or do I just need to have one since I’m no longer a child?

I will still do our family’s pamahiin. I will still shake loud my coin bank when the clock strikes 12 for a bountiful year and start the engine of the car and beep continuously until 2009 comes. This contradicts my belief in destiny. Will luck come if it hears that I have many coins? I don’t know, but somehow I always thought this may work. Is this a sign of a losing hope in the future or optimism in things unknown?

For someone who hates waiting, I wait a lot. I wait and wait and dare not change course for fear of missing something good that might come. People say I’m brave. I try to act as if I am. There’s no difference really. I long for change, yet I’m afraid of it. I don’t like it when friends talk so loud that everyone notices, but the howl of the wind is more deafening.

I believe that the long and effortful search for that lost remote control is futile. It will appear when you are no longer searching.

There. My thoughts. Happy new year. Really. I wish all of you have a great year ahead!

dunno, Juno

I’ve been meaning to watch Juno ever since I’ve heard of the film, but for some reason, I was not able to watch it on a cinema. Finally, I was able to watch it this Christmas break, and I liked it.

I’ve watched it with my teenaged cousins, which I realized wasn’t such a good idea after 10 minutes of the film. I feel awkward watching with them in a movie that tackles sex, being different, and teenage pregnancy. I sure don’t want it to happen to any of them. Or maybe it was a good idea to have them watch it. At least they now know that life is no easy game, especially when you have unplanned pregnancy, much more when you’re just a kid, and they have me to remind them.

If I were in Juno’s position, really, I wouldn’t know what to do. Heck, I’m already 26 and I still don’t know what would I do if that happens to me. I admire Juno’s bravery and simple view. Adults would have had to weigh the pros and cons of having the child, but the simplicity that Juno would have the child and let someone who needs a child raise him is much more moral and better.

Also, I believe that some women are born to be mothers, like what Vanessa in Juno said. I’ve met many women who are very good mothers, even to persons not their child. For them, taking care of people comes naturally, and I’m privileged to have some of these people in my life.

At the end of the film, Juno was confronted by a dilemma, if she would still give the baby to Vanessa, who will soon be divorced with his rocker-who-has-not-yet-matured husband. Even for supposedly matured people, it is a tough choice. Who wouldn’t want their child to be raised in a complete family? But is it still complete if the father’s heart is not into it? So, in the end, I believe that she made the better choice. Single parents are good parents. They love fiercely and try very hard to compensate for the absent parent. They are very protective and very generous with their love.

Also, I believe that Mark, Vanessa’s would-be ex-husband, did the right thing of for once being honest. It’s hard to impart happiness to another when you yourself is not happy. Their breakup was bound to happen, especially if Mark can’t be himself. It would then lead to more complicated divorce and much arguments, especially on issues of child support, custody, and visitation. Worse, it would have more psychological damage to the child.

Then, a loving single mom would have been so much better.

the christmas countdown

Whew! This has been a long day, and we haven’t reached the climax yet!

I left Paranaque at around 10 p.m. last night to start my much-awaited Christmas vacation. By 2 a.m. (thank goodness there’s little traffic), I was already home.

I slept until 10 a.m. today. After a cup of coffee, I started to add decorations to our house. The Christmas tree was already in place, but there are matters of decoration that need my expertise. haha.

After decorating the doors and the window sills and enabling every little cousin to help out, we finally had the Christmas atmosphere. Really, those colorful bells and flowers did a lot to uplift the spirit, and of course, the resounding Christmas medleys throughout the house.

After lunch, I did my traditional wrapping of gifts to every member of the family, with my door locked. My cousins always knock and ask, “Ate, tapos na ba?.” They know it’s going to take long, I wonder why they always ask. haha.

My gift wrapping was temporarily stopped by our little baby girl’s arrival. Well, every activity stopped to rush up to Keng and compete for her attention. Of course, I won and hurried back to my room. After she felt asleep, courtesy of Ian (a cousin), I resumed my gift wrapping and finished just now.

Later, we’ll go to church, and every kid in the house is excited to wear his or her new clothes. I would have been excited also if I had something new. haha. But no worries, I am more than happy with what I got for myself (half of which was lola’s gift to me). Jaaaraaan…!

 Anyone who’s been with me in videoke parties know I don’t sing a song—I sing a set of songs!

We are a family who love music, but from different genres. This will be like all our MP3 players into one and better. I can’t wait to have all songs my lined up. Alicia Keys, pave the way!

I forgot, I have to take a shower! :-)

MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERY ONE!

wish you were here… again

As the year is ending, people tend to think of what were the things that happened to them throughout the year. I’m one of those people, but I’m trying to focus only on the good stuff. The first thing that came to mind and stubbornly stayed there, not letting me think of anything else, is the concert of one of my favorite bands—Incubus.

Truthfully, it was the most enjoyable thing that I did this year. 2008 was characterized by NOT having enough money. haha. I really like the band, and I wasn’t able to watch their first concert in the country, so I wouldn’t miss it for anything.

We weren’t able to immediately buy tickets from the ticketing outlet located at malls. It was really frustrating when months before the concert, all the good seats are sold. We cannot just get out of the office and head to the nearest mall to purchase tickets, and frankly, we weren’t expecting that fast ticket sales. Luckily, a friend’s friend was selling her lower box tickets because her reservation online for VIP seats was just approved. It took days before the approval, hence she already bought the next best tickets that she could get just in case. Lucky for both of us, we got the tickets we wanted.

But it was just some stroke luck that we got good seats. If her reservation wasn’t approved or if she was not a friend’s friend, we wouldn’t be able to get better seats, and I would have missed what would have been the highlight of my year. I wish there was more efficient way of buying tickets. Watching our idols live shouldn’t be so hard. Browsing through the net for upcoming concerts (there were rumors of U2 and Madonna coming to the country), I found a site that sells even soldout tickets for good events (read: Concert Tickets). If there was something such as that here, music fans wouldn’t have to go through the hustle and bustle of buying that precious piece of paper, and I would be eternally browsing for any upcoming Green Day events. haha.

Anyway, enough of my complaints. haha. It was just horrifying to think I could have missed my Incubus concert. I don’t want them singing Wish You Were Here to me. :p

I dig my toes into the sand

The ocean looks like a thousand diamonds

strewn across the blue flame

I’m leaning against the wind

pretending I am weightless

and in this moment I am happy

It really felt great seeing them play live. I wasn’t expecting them to sing their old songs because I thought they were promoting their new album, but they played both their classic and new songs. It was a delightful surprise to me. I was particularly happy with Megalomaniac, Wish You Were Here, Stellar, Nice to Know You, and Drive. They did not sing I Miss You, my favorite from them, but I wasn’t really expecting they would. No disappointments there. I also think they’re enjoying the Filipino crowd. We really are great fans. I lost my voice for a day after the concert, I think along with many people. I just love singing with them. :)

being in good company

Earlier today (I mean yesterday), our circle of friends at the office had our Christmas party. We hold our Christmas party every year, and every year, it is a delight.

The group is now bigger and happier! I still remember my first Christmas party with kg, the husband’s wife, pulot, and other nonbloggers (hehe). Pedro and I were new to the company, and we were really happy to be invited to this private gathering. Whether because we looked nice or we happened to have seats beside them, I wouldn’t know. haha. It was held at kg’s house, and her mom was very kind to host the games for us. I really had fun, especially because there was videoke and a billiard table in their house, both of which I’m not good at! We also had exchange gifts, and from there, I got one of my Vampire Chronicles’ books.

Our company is not a fun company. Although it claims to be the number 1 in the world in its industry, it has little budget for fun employee activities. Thus, we are having our celebrations out of our own pockets. But every penny spent on our little party gives me, us, priceless joy in return. Although I am not in a fun company, I am in a happy group.

For this year, we just held it in an open area at the office because we lacked time. Each (by twos actually) was assigned food to bring. There were so many delicious foods. There were lechon manok (which I said I cooked), bitterwife’s mechado, T2rad’s fish, the husband’s wife’s mashed potatoes and corn and carrots, cake (which pulot claimed to have baked), and many soft drinks! I was last to finish eating both lunch and dessert, and not because I eat slow. So many good food, so little time. haha. I think all of us ate more than we usually do (the best diet pills could hope to work on anyone of us!).

We had a Madam Auring game, courtesy of kg. haha. It was a guessing game, more like a quiz, of who is each person’s monito or monita. We were all competitive, but only T2rad got all the names correctly, so he got the chocolate from kg. T2rad was also my secret santa. I really like the bag he got me! Thanks a bunch!

Even if the party was just held at the office and only during lunch, all of us were happy and contented. That’s another happy day added to the year 2008 about to go away.

:)

on birthdays and happy eating

December 15 was the day my father and I were born.

After 26 years, we’re still celebrating it together. My mom would either say, “How can you not be on your father’s birthday?” to me, or “How can you not be on your daughter’s birthday?” to dad. Hence, we have an annual double celebration of our special day.

During my younger years, I used to resent that I cannot celebrate my birthday just with friends. This was very much because alcohol is a big no-no for females in the family, and I, the stubborn Sagittarius that I am, used to love that bitter taste of beer. We used to celebrate our birthdays at our home in the province, with friends and families invited. Those weren’t big celebrations, but the food was plenty for the guests. My mom’s spaghetti was always the bestseller. Even today, my friends would still ask me when we’re gonna have spaghetti at home. We always have spaghetti on Christmas day. : )

In the past few years, my urge for beer significantly dropped (even on depressed moments). Is that what getting older means? haha. Now, I enjoy simple celebrations with family and very few people. Mom no longer cooks on our birthdays so she can also enjoy the day. Instead, we dine out and eat sumptuous foods. We eat wherever I or dad wants to.

This year, dad and I both agreed that we want to eat seafood. Mom is a steak person so she’s not agreeable to the idea, but she already had her birthday 2 weeks ago. haha. I’ve always enjoyed Dampa-style restaurants, so we had dinner at Seaside along Macapagal Road. The food there was relatively cheaper (hence we can eat a lot) and tastes better!

Mom was in charge of buying what we wanted to be cooked. My mom, who always wants to have abundance of food in the table, bought so many shrimps and fishes. There were more than enough for all of us! We ended up taking out a lot of leftovers (still good for the following days)!

We had buttered shrimps, calamares, steamed lapu lapu, sinigang sa miso, and tempura. Sounds good, tastes even better! haha. I think I ate almost a whole plate of my favorite buttered shrimps and tons of rice (writing of it now is making me hungry). I don’t think I can make it a day without rice. That’s me, a true Pinoy. haha. We also had blueberry cheesecake courtesy of eks after!

If I gained pounds because of it, I don’t care. I’m too lazy to exercise and too scared to drink pills (have you heard of alli side effects?). I’m happy eating and keeping my stomach full! I’ll worry about it when it catches up on me. For now, I’m looking forward to more celebrations and delicious foods!

all i want this Christmas…

There’s one thing I’m going to miss while I’m on vacation—PlayStation 3.

I don’t have my own, but thanks to PJVP (a million thanks!!!!), he’s letting me play with and against him in his PS3  every weekend. I’d play the whole day if the unit wouldn’t overheat. Heck, I’d rather play than eat. hehe. The Family Computer (so old school) addict in me was once again brought back to life!

I fell in love with video games! I’ve already finished X-men Legends in PSP (and about to finish Patapon and others games are on queue). I got crazy over this action-RPG. I played before going to work, while going to work, while coming home from work, and before sleeping and almost the whole weekend. Well, to start with, I am an X-men fan. I’ve watched the cartoons and the movies and have read some comics. Of course, I used my favorite characters: Storm, Wolverine, Cyclops, and Iceman. Apart from enjoying the game, I also enjoyed the videos and the story line. I felt I was in their world, where I could optic blast anything!

I’ve finished the battles of Kratos in God of War I and II in PS2 (and about to finish Ratchet and Clank). Again, the stories are great. If you’re into Greek gods and titans, play this! The animations will make you feel you’re Kratos himself battling the gods. The games are one hell of an adventure. It will take you to different mythological places and times, and you’ll meet different creatures and legends. What imagination these people at Sony have! Great!

Finally, in PS3, I’ve finished the action-adventure Uncharted: Drake’s Fortune. This is a fortune hunter’s journey, and it’s way better than Indiana Jones. I like shooting down people, err, the bad guys. hehe. And there are twists and turns in the plot; it’s like watching a movie. Right now, PJVP and I are playing versus in Naruto Ninja Storm. I am again going loco over this game. I love the anime, and sometimes, I associate just about anything to Naruto. I dream about the characters (in animated form) at night. hehe. PJVP is really good in these things, and I sometimes get frustrated when I can’t win over him, just like when I was a kid. But I win sometimes, and that’s enough for now. hehe. We play until midnight or until he gets tired, and I always ask for one last game (which becomes five). 

I don’t have my own PS3 yet, but I’m dreaming of having my own. I’d have to have an HDTV (which is expensive) first to give justice to PS3 technology. I think it’s really a good buy (you can also watch blu-ray discs here). Next year, God of War III and Uncharted II will be released, and both promise greater gaming experience. I hope I have my own PS3 then.

For now, PJVP is letting me take home his PS2 and PSP for vacation. These will suffice.

the difference of busy and "busy"

The coming week will be full of celebrations (birthdays, Christmas parties, officemates’ wedding, reunions), panic buying, and work work work to sustain all of these. haha.

I used to whine about this “so many things in so little time” weeks when I was in college. Preparing reports, writing papers, and studying for tests all at the same time seemed to be too much, not to mention the responsibilities to the sorority. Of course, I enjoyed the sorority activities more than the tests. :p

Looking back, I realized that I enjoyed everything, specially the cramming. I felt so vibrant and alive. I was so naïve to think then that I have so many things in my shoulders. Back then, I can’t wait to graduate; now, I wish I could be in school again. The irony.

With so many activities leading to Christmas coming up, I again feel “busy,” busy doing things that I enjoy. These things give me a break to being busy at work—only at work. Finally, there’ll be distractions to a year of robotic life of coming to work and going home from work. The sorority activities are now the reunions, the tests are now the works to finish, and the Christmas break is, well, still the Christmas break. haha.

I’ve been planning to help in decorating the Christmas tree, wrapping gifts, writing a gift card, buying exchange gifts, shopping for godchildren—and all these at the latest time possible. What can I say? Once a crammer, always a crammer. :)

’tis the season to be jolly!

This is one of the times when I just love the Filipino culture, particularly the super close family ties! To hell with individualism… haha!

As much as possible, Filipinos abroad schedule their coming home on Christmas season. I guess it’s Filipinos’ favorite time of the year. We gotta admit, we spend a lot on this season, oftentimes more than our budget allows. Well, we deserve to be happy during this time, what with a whole year of work and hardships (but moderation is always a good option).

Anyway, why am in a good mood? Well, there’s this coming home of Kuyang, Nikki, and my lovely niece Keng (see post below). I missed them, and I’m happy they’re around for a month. Today, we are celebrating our lolo’s birthday who already passed away. It’s just a simple celebration, the usual sotanghon, chicken, and others. I’m glad that we don’t forget to remember our deceased relatives on all the occasions in our lives. We Filipinos are sentimental this way.

But the particular reason I’m happy today is I’ve got pasalubong! Never does a Filipino go home without those shipping boxes. We received some of the usual stuff Filipinos abroad send their families here: soaps, toothpaste, lotion, chocolates, and a T-shirt with the name of the country where it came from. Isn’t this funny? We can also buy these things, even the same brand, in our department stores (well, maybe not the shirt). But it’s sweet. Makes me wanna sing Sealed with a Kiss. haha. When we opened the boxes, as usual, the gifts are packed in groups, with every pack having a handwritten name of the person to whom it belongs.

Mama (my aunt) and Billy (my high school cousin, Kuyang’s brother) who were left in Qatar had a special gift for me. Thanks Ma and Billy Boy! I miss you both and come home soon!

There are also other little things for me, but these are my favorite.

A perfume (great timing!) and two shades from Mango.

The Day the Earth Stood Still

Note: May contain spoilers

Read if you have watched it, will not watch it, or if you don’t care.

I just watched The Day the Earth Stood Still (TDESS) last night. I liked it, hence I’m writing down all my thoughts about it.

It was the greatest alien movie I’ve ever seen. Most I know are absurd bordering on pathetic. This movie gave justice to the alien race.

It was a remake of a 1951 film. Of course, this one now has advanced alien weaponry and U.S. government offense and defense technology.

Keanu Reeves (Klaatu) is the star of the movie. He was the alien, who adapted a human form, claiming to save the Earth. As an officemate said, this role suits Keanu. He acts best in roles that require little emotion (e.g., Matrix). Compliment or not, you decide. Jennifer Connely (Helen Benson) is the beautiful nerd who was called, more like forced, by the U.S. government to solve the alien problem. Perhaps of her “hotness,” I find it hard to believe that she is a scientist, but she did okay in the film. Jaden Smith (Jacob Benson), Will Smith’s son, was the orphaned stepson of Helen Benson. The most touching scenes belong to him. That kid is a good actor.

The movie was apocalyptic. Most likely, the viewers know what the conclusion would be. Still, you watch it to know how it unfolds, and I was satisfied. Although there are things that I don’t like about it, specially the cheesy and preachy lines, generally, it was a good film. Here are the good points I have for TDESS:

1. Klaatu did not just take over a human body to pass for human. There was an explanation (scientific) on how he has a human body. Plus, he did not have to be silly, slimy, and green to be identified as an alien. He’s probably one of the best alien characters, Mr. Bean being on top of my list.
2. I like best the scene where Klaatu and a Nobel-winner biologist seemed to be conversing on a blackboard through equations.
3. The Earth will not end through a fireball or smashing explosion. It would disintegrate from one place until all the world is obliterated (although species other than humans are saved). It was unavoidable and it scared me. Apparently, there was nowhere to hide. The minute alien insects were eating away everything, even diamond drills and steel buildings. Imagine that.
4. Two sides of everything. Most portrayed either aliens or humans as bad. Everything is a matter of perspective, so they say.

Klaatu was really here to save the Earth—from us. True enough, we are a destructive species, to the planet (global warming) and to each other (genocide, wars, crimes), and our planet is dying because of that. But we are not JUST that. We are capable of loving and taking care of our loved ones. Perhaps if humans could do that on a larger scale, our world would fare better.

We can change is the significant argument in the movie. I’ve always believed, as Rousseau, that humans are inherently good. We are at our best in the brink of destruction, and in decades, we will be in that place. We have to change. We can. Isn’t that what Obama said?