Twenty Twelve

January is already over. And I am now going to start my year. =)

In the mood for being positive, I am”feeling” that this month will start a good 2012 for me. Since January has been sooo hectic, I really didn’t feel the new year coming—January seemed like the month of making up for all the petiks and the gastos of December.

I think I have already recharged. So I will now start my new year today (Happy New Year!). For starters, I am so excited that my tiny food business will already start next week. I am a bit nervous, but I am being positive. Also, only barely 2 months is left before summer vacation. I can’t wait! This is gonna be my first summer without office work. So it’s easier to go out of town, or just enjoy. =) Perhaps I could also play tennis every day! Who knows? I might still win sport trophies (naaah, I’m too old!).

I figured that even if I did not have a very good start, at least I could still have a very good end for this year. =)

the piano

I used to play the piano. For two years. I stopped playing when my music teacher stopped coming over to our house. The truth is I was just forced to study the piano (at that time, I wanted to enroll to Taekwondo classes). At times, I even pretended to sleep until noon or just until my music teacher leaves the house.

My teacher said I learned fast. I easily learned reading the notes, and I could memorize a piece faster than my classmate-cousins could. The thing is I forgot to play the piano as fast as I learned it. And now, this is my regret.

I failed to see then how wonderful it is to know how to play a musical instrument. How good it is to produce music. Especially that I can’t sing, perhaps playing the piano was as close to music as I could be (aside from listening, of course), considering that I am proclaiming myself as a lover of music. Now, there are different kinds of instruments, a modern twist to the classic ones (like the yamaha p90), and I could only wish I know how to play again. Talaga naman. Nasa huli ang pagsisisi.

Let me share a little sad story. When my aunt was already in a terminal condition, a month or two before she died, she’d always ask me to play the piano for her. There’s a piece I play she liked very much. Every time she asked, I always played for her, the same piece every time. I miss her now. And I miss playing the piano for her.

one is enough

In my Evidence class, one of the cases assigned was Estrada vs Desierto. It was such a long case, and probably the only case I have personal knowledge of. It’s factual background was President Erap’s impeachment proceeding, although the issues delved into matters after that.

I realized that at my age, I have witnessed TWO impeachment proceedings in the country already (and I want no more). I wonder how the world sees us from the outside. Are we the people united fighting “tyrants”? Or are we fools who fancy mob rule?

I regularly watched Erap’s impeachment, amazed by the brilliance of both sides. Oftentimes, we in the university talk about it, often with spiteful remarks against the administration. Our rage, my rage, was the summation of our youth, the Philippine Collegian and the UP environment, and the incessant media reporting obviously pointing how bad a president Erap was (especially when they compared Erap’s favorite, the expensive Petrus wine, and the number of houses the government could have built for the poor).

When the senator-judges voted 11-10 against opening the second envelope (supposedly it would reveal that Erap has a billion-peso account under the name Jose Velarde), in a matter of minutes, I heard drum pounding and people rallying in Katipunan. I joined them. The next day, I also joined the march to EDSA.

I still think that Erap isn’t a good president. Although now, looking back, I am not so sure anymore whether I was right that time thinking that the only way was for Erap to step down, and forcing him to step down, Metro Manila did so. This time, I also do not like Corona as a chief justice, and I have no empathy for him. However, the things I am seeing now are the grandstanding, the politicking, and the wasting of time and money. I think the past Congresses are the worst batches of Congress, devoting their time to nonsense inquiries (Katrina Halili’s sex video, really??) instead of making useful laws (like healthcare carts or comprehensive oil laws, etc.).

I wish Corona had not been nominated chief justice, but I am afraid of all the serious implications of this impeachment proceeding in our country now. I am pretty sure that this doubtful stabiliy of our systems and the divided attention of the government and the courts (mostly preoccupied by the proceeding) would do us no good. We’ve all seen where the last unifinished impeachment proceeding brought us.

P.S.

Also, why is the prosecution making a fool of themselves? They are already the laughing stock of people who know the law. Some people watch the impeachment proceedings, one, to see the brilliance of the defense, and two, to see the bloopers of the prosecution. Why bring in the whole county into this impeachment when you yourselves are not yet prepared?

gifts

For a month, I’ve been preoccupied with my cousin’s wedding. I thought of numerous gift ideas — I wanted a very nice one — as the groom is really a brother to me. I tried to think of something the couple would really love, not the usual household gifts, and something they would remember.

In the end, I bought them fourteen 750-ml wines, with customized labels. I bought them from my ten-peso-coins-only coinbank I’ve been saving for about 2 years (my only savings!!!). I sought the help of eks for making the designs, and when the wines were delivered, the couple was so happy with the gift. I was also happy that they liked it and felt proud, because I do not have much talent in creative thinking.

eks and I also made them a video interview about their love story, which was played during the wedding. I actually uber internalized my “director” role (which was really a cameraman role!) =). eks spent 3 whole days editing the video. The couple was very impressed with the final output, so was I (galing mo eks!). And I think it was probaby the best gift I thought of and gave, characterized with laborious love.

The couple really appreciated all the efforts I put into their wedding. And I am really glad they did. I thought perhaps that it would be a most expressive way of telling the, that I am fully supporting their relationship and that “let’s all live as a supporting and caring family”.

But in the end, I think the most unforgettable gift I gave them was delivering a speech or message to them on their wedding day. Prior to the wedding, I was begging my cousin not to include me among the people who would give them messages. First, I am not a good public speaker, and second, I don’t like mushy stuff. But on that day, I was able to shed my inhibitions. I was able to tell them directly that I love them both and that I only wish the best for them — and of all the gifts I gave them, that one was really straight from my heart.

gaiety

Merry Christmas everyone!

I am barely noticing the Christmas season.  I failed to do the usual things I do during Christmas. It’s not because I’ve lost touch of that festive Christmas feeling. Rather, it’s because I am more involved, connected, and excited with my cousin’s upcoming wedding early January. I never thought I could be a bit creative. hehe.

The first day of break from school, I immediately went to Jupiter St and looked for a fancy bridal car. Then, I thought of making a magazine-type video presentation for the future couple. For this, I sought the help of my ultra genius, ever helpful, Nokia short film grand prize winner friend (*wink*). Yesterday, we interviewed the bride and the groom separately, using the same set of questions. Funny how their answers DO NOT match at times. =)

As for the oldies, they’re busy thinking of how to look nice and pretty during the wedding. To date, they’re worries range from how to lose weight  to how to apply eyelash growth products. “Oldies’, by the way, includes “me”. =)

After twelve years, they will finally get married. Next Christmas, we’ll have more time to prepare and more people to celebrate it with. =)

how do I love thee?

Let me count the ways…

In 2 weeks, my cousin will be married. Sadness is dawning upon me for he has always been a little brother to me, and I have been the indifferent, always-criticizing ate.

Both of us are the only child of our respective parents. The only difference is his mother left him at the age of 11, and lola took the responsibility of raising him. Growing up, he was so very spoiled by his mother. When she died, he was spoiled by everyone else in the family. And probably that was the reason kuyang and I selfishly ganged up on him, for in a fight against him, we were always “wrong”.

When I got a little older though, I came to comprehend the idea that he no longer has his mother. I am only 8 months older, but at the back of my mind, I should be what an elder sister should be. And in that, I made a mistake. For him to be the perfect person, I always noticed everything wrong about him. Instead of being understanding, I became discriminating. Little by little, what used to be a very close bond drifted farther and farther. I used to despise the time when he’d always tell my mom whenever he sees me talking to a “guy”. He always makes stern remarks about every guy I dated. But always, I love him.

One thing though, I know that he’s proud of me. He always talks about my accomplishments, though he never told me that personally. Likewise, I never gave him any compliment personally, but I am proud of him, especially in his career now.

Now, I am trying to make up for the lost time of being a caring sister. I volunteered to help in the wedding preparations, from choosing tuxedo studs to a fancy bridal car. And I think I’ve finally made a one-liner serious advice to him, “you should no longer buy these expensive things when you start a family,” while pointing at his newly bought Oakley shades.

In 2 weeks, he’ll be waiting at the end of the aisle for his bride. After that, they’ll start their own family. I am sad that things will not be as they are before, but I am more than happy that he’s marrying his soulmate. And we will love them both, always.

a knock on your door

Sometimes, things just happen. Or maybe things are bound to happen. I guess the most pleasant experience of all is when something good happens, when that thing never even crossed your mind. A pleasant surprise, is that what they call it? But what do you do with it? What happens next will determine if serendipity does exist.

Sometimes you are just talking to someone, then you just realize, after all these years, that you are in love. Magic. Then again, sometimes you’ve been with a person for years already, happy and all, then when you wake up, you’ve already lost your feelings in your sleep. Tragic. At least you had been happy.

A man is sitting in his porch, puffing his Backwoods cigars, watching the seabirds, and finally realizing he has wasted his entire life. I guess he should have listened to what the universe has been telling him: carpe diem.

preparing for a (not my) wedding

I grew up considering my 2 cousins as my brothers. One was already married (keng’s father), and the other is about to get married this coming January. Of course, I feel happy for them. But I feel a litte more sad this time, knowing that I am the only one left unmarried. At the same time, I feel more excited for the coming wedding. I was still in college when kuyang got married, so my inputs then weren’t asked. haha. But now, having attended so many weddings already, I think I had shared with the future couple substantial inputs. hehe.

I am amazed how creative people can be. Several years ago, almost all wedding I attended were traditional, from the dresses, to the venues, to the programs, to the souvenirs. Now, this recent wedding I attended at Tagaytay was so beautiful and so “artistic” that I want my cousins’ wedding to be just as enjoyable. Imagine, the bridesmaids were wearing traditional bridesmaids’ white gown but with matching riding boots! Cool, right? And I’ve emphasized to my cousin over and over that he can cut down on the expenses of other stuff, but not with the photographer and the videographer! Memories are priceless, especially if captured brilliantly.

I told my would-be sister-in-law that the bridesmaids should have simple, almost uniform hairdo, so she could outshine them all. And I’ve told my cousin to consult me first before choosing whatever songs that would be played in the presentations or in the church. I don’t trust his taste in music hehe (and i volunteered to sing!). And I’ve edited their invitations several times. I wish I could have been more hands-on than just merely suggesting, but I’m sure they understand. Please feel free to suggest anything that would make their wedding unique. =)

And of course, I am preparing myself for the wedding. I am cutting my 1 1/2 cup of rice during dinner to 1 cup. =)

When I grow up…

When keng was born, we all had different “plans” for her. It comes naturally, I think. Kuyang, her father, wanted her to be a motocross rider, being one himself. Imagine that! So when keng was still a newborn, per kuyang’s instructions, I would hold the videocam and let her watch motocross races from the videocam. Crazy, right? But if she becomes one, that’s super cool!

Of course, the oldies wanted her to be a doctor, or a nurse, or a stewardess, or an architect. When keng started playing with toy stethoscopes and acting out as a doctor, they actually think she’s on her way to medicine. As if nothing would change in 20 years or so. haha. But if she becomes doc keng (like docgelo!), that would be fantastic. When keng started drawing, everyone thought she’d become an architect, after all it runs in her blood. Maybe she can draw my dream house!

As for me, I want her to be a musician. Yeah, yeah. I’m projecting my frustrations to her. Haha. I am a zero in that field. When I was a kid, I’d sing the microphone connected in my little organ while pressing 1-1-5-5-6-6-5… (twinkle, twinkle…). I did that for hours, when my grandmother suddenly shouted and told me to stop and to turn off my little noise machine. haha. I guess I was disturbing everybody’s peace then. LOL.

So when keng took interest in my wooden flute, guess who got excited?

I want her to be a rockstar! But for now, she’s everybody’s superstar. And whatever she decides to be when she grows up, she will still be everybody’s superstar!

break

I haven’t had a long vacation for a long time ever since I started working. Every year, I miss college years’ sembreak and summertimes. Of course, when you’re working, you only have the regular holidays for rest days and pastimes, unless you want to use up your leaves one time big time. That’s why, among other things, I turned down an offer for technical recruiting jobs. When you are in college, you never fully realize how you’ll be missing those days when they are gone, being too busy trying to grow old.

So, this is my first long vacation after a long time, having no regular office job anymore. I’ve been particularly excited about this at first. However, this excitement has been day by day dying when always there is something, or someone, figuring out what I should do every single day of my “rest days”. I should finish this. I should go to that. I should only be with him. I’ve never meant this line so literally: give me a break.